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Misadventures in Late-Night Writing

(Disclaimer: I already know I watch too many scary movies… lol)

Am I the only writer who enjoys those precious hours where the whole house is shut down, quiet, and you’re off duty from any and all domestic duties? I like to call this stretch of time “The Sweet Spot”. It’s prime writing time; the time when I tend to do my best work.

However, the other night, solace was the one thing I didn’t find.

It was late… or early (4:30 or 5:00 a.m.) I was up doing what I love most – writing. I’d stared at the computer screen for too many hours to count and the bright, white Word doc had left me just shy of legally blind as usual. But none of that mattered at the time because I was in the zone. Nothing could stop me. Not even the threat of losing the ability to see. Nope. It was just me, my characters, and the stillness of night.

That is, until this happened.

Screenshot_2014-11-03-09-18-05-1

Yup. I looked up and saw this troubled young lady standing in the doorway of my bedroom. Perfectly still. Quiet.

Now cut to me panicking and scrambling to will my burned-out retinas to rapidly repair themselves so I could see through the pitch blackness of the hallway, trying to make sense of the figure standing there.

Still, all I see is this…

Screenshot_2014-11-03-09-18-05-1

My first reaction was irrational. In my head I hear, “Throw something at it!” Stupid, right? But it’s late, I’m freaked out… just… give me a break. My next grandiose idea was to tip my laptop that way to shine some light into the hallway so I can see better. Didn’t work. Now I see feet. Feet and a long, white dress (see above image). So my heart’s really racing now.

I’m practically shaking, fumbling around on my nightstand, trying to turn on the lamp. As I’m scrambling, I hear the softest, sweetest, “Mommy?”

I pause.

“Mommy? I can’t sleep. Can I get in bed with you?” the creepy, corpsey girl asks. It takes a few seconds, but I soon realize my imagination, the late hour, and my tired eyes have all deceived me. There was no creepy, corpsey girl standing at my door. Nope. Just one scared six year-old wearing her Daddy’s old dress shirt that she adores and wears to bed as often as possible.

Okay, I feel pretty dumb by this point. My heart slows and the sound of her soft, padding footsteps fills the air. All fear has subsided as my bed depresses when she climbs in and gets as close to me as humanly possible, pressing her chilled feet to my skin.

Hmm… good thing I didn’t throw anything at her like I originally planned.

This incident made three things clear:

  1. I need more sleep
  2. I need to stop watching scary movies
  3. My children either need to identify themselves when walking through the house at night or wear those little bells around their necks like cats. I’m cool with either option.

Eleven Reasons Why I Will Never be Nominated “MOTHER OF THE YEAR”

1) I’m currently snacking on my kids Easter chocolate while I write and when they get home from school and ask why the bag is light, I already have plans to deny that I had anything to do with it.

2) I don’t save every single project/assignment that comes through the door with their names written on it.

3) I gave my daughter a high-five for punching an older boy in the nose after he put his hands on her first.

4) Sometimes I laugh when they fall before I can ask if they’re alright.

5) I’m addicted to zombie movies and my kids have a tendency to sneak and watch bits and pieces of whatever I’m watching until they get caught and I send them to their rooms. They did this while I was indulging in a terrible Netflix B-movie the other day. When bedtime came, they were afraid of course, but knowing WHY they were afraid, I refused to let them sleep in my room. To me, that was an opportunity to teach them a lesson…..

6) My son used to do what we refer to in our household as the “Naked shut-eye” dance whenever he was nude. He’d take off his clothes for his bath and shimmy while saying “NAKED SHUT-EYE! NAKED SHUT-EYE!” (Don’t ask me what that means LOL). But yeah….I laughed instead of correcting him. Every time.

7) My six year-old is already a “mean girl”. While watching me put on my makeup the other day, she says to me, “Mommy! Don’t put too much of that black stuff on your eyes! Only clowns wear it like that!” Followed by, “Don’t put your glasses back on! Noooooooooo! They’re so last week!”

8) While at a new doctor’s office for our first visit, the doctor politely asks my son what his name is. My son’s response? “Boy”. This could’ve been from me repeating such phrases as: “Boy, stop running!” or “Boy, leave that candle alone!” on a fairly regular basis.

9) I hate parent-teacher conferences (but I go).

10) I’m trying to trick my oldest into continuing to believe in Santa Claus because her NOT believing anymore makes me feel old.

11) I slip and make crude “That’s what she said!” jokes in front of them more often than I care to admit.

One of these days in the very near future they’re gonna catch on and realize that I’m only human….just like them 🙂 None of us are perfect. We have to learn to laugh at the minor mistakes that we’re all bound to make as parents, grow with our children, and pray that they’re better at this than we are LOL!

~Raven

They ALL Do This Stuff……Right?

Okay, so I’m a mom of three, ranging from ages 6 to 9.  Anyone with children knows that you CANNOT always filter what they say or catch them before they do something completely embarrassing out in public.   Right?  Right.  So, to make moms and dads everywhere feel just a little bit better about their own children’s buffoonery, I’ve decided to share a few of my kids’ slip ups and tomfoolery that I’ve had the “pleasure” of witnessing over the years.  Enjoy! And feel free to share some of your own experiences too in the comment section below.  I’d love to hear them!

1) “Mommy? Do midgets have to drive minivans?”
2) My son to the cashier at a store that I am NEVER VISITING AGAIN: “Heyyyy…..where’d you get that moustache?  My dad has one of those!”
3) “Mommyyyyy…….my butt’s sick”
4) At the doc’s with my oldest (age 3 at the time), “Mommy!  That lady looks like ‘Big Momma’s House’!”
5) My youngest walked up to a girl whooooooo……mmmmmm…….isn’t the most attractive girl in the world? Yeah, we’ll say it like that.   After tapping the girl on the leg, she asks, “What happened to your face?”
6) “Why do some men have boobs too?”
7) “I don’t wanna have a wife.  It looks like too much work.”
8) “Do babies come from your bellybutton?”  Followed up with the question, “Well how do they get in there?”
9) “Mommy?  What are those ‘packets’ boys have behind their privates?”
10) Sniffing random chairs when people would get up from them
11) My oldest sleepwalks.  She woke up from a dead sleep, came into my bedroom at 2 a.m., slaps my husband on the leg and yells, “Tag!  You’re it!”  Once we stopped laughing, we got her back to bed.
12) Right after a bath, my youngest (2 at the time) dug her Winnie the Pooh lifejacket out of the closet and proceeded to sit in the toilet while wearing it – fully clothed.  I walked in to find her with her arms propped up on the seat like she was in a hot tub.
13) At age 2, my son was bathing in the tub in my bedroom while I was on my laptop writing at the vanity.  I looked up at the precise moment that he’s placing a log of his own feces on the edge of the tub.  I’m still bitter about that…..
14) For a month straight, my son would scale the stones of our fireplace pretending to be Spiderman.
15) I got a call from the school a couple months ago from the principal, informing me that my son (age 7 now) was in the clinic complaining that his heart stopped beating a few times in class and he needed me to come take him to the doctor. 

Out of the mouths of babes, I guess!  Remember to comment or share!! 
Raven ~

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